How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving
A Compassionate Guide for Family and Friends
When someone you care about is grieving, it can feel overwhelming to know how to help.
You may worry about saying the wrong thing. You may want to ease their pain. You may feel unsure whether to bring up their loved one or avoid the topic altogether.
The truth is this: grief cannot be fixed, but it can be witnessed.
As a psychologist with specialized training in grief and experience working in hospital and palliative care settings, I have seen firsthand how powerful steady, compassionate presence can be. If you are supporting someone through loss, the following guidance may help you show up in meaningful and healing ways.
If you are personally navigating loss, you may also find this resource helpful:
Understanding the Types of Grief and the Value of Specialized Grief Therapy
Healthy Coping Skills for Grief and Loss
1. Understand the Individuality of Grief
Grief is deeply personal. There is no universal timeline and no single “right” way to mourn.
Avoid pressuring someone to “move on.” Respect their pace. What works for one person may not resonate with another.
In my work providing grief counseling in Massachusetts, I often help individuals untangle the pressure they feel to grieve “correctly.” Supporting someone begins by allowing their experience to unfold naturally.
2. Listen Without Judgment
One of the most meaningful things you can offer is attentive listening.
Allow them to express sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, even relief, without interruption or correction. Resist the urge to problem-solve.
You do not need the perfect words. You need presence.
3. Offer a Safe, Compassionate Space
Create an environment where difficult emotions are welcomed.
Instead of:
• “You’ll get over it.”
• “They’re in a better place.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”
Try:
• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “I can’t imagine how hard this must be.”
• “I’m here for you.”
Validation reduces isolation. Minimizing increases it.
4. Acknowledge the Loss Directly
Many grieving individuals fear that others are uncomfortable mentioning their loved one.
Say their name. Speak openly about the loss if appropriate. It shows you are not afraid of their pain.
Grief often intensifies when people feel others are avoiding the topic.
5. Encourage Expression of Memories
If they are open to it, invite stories.
• “What was one of your favorite memories with them?”
• “Is there something special you’d like to share?”
Continuing bonds, maintaining connection through memory, is a healthy part of grieving.
6. Be Mindful of Cultural and Religious Practices
Grief is shaped by culture, faith, and family traditions.
Avoid assumptions. Ask respectfully if you are unsure. Participate in rituals if invited. Honoring traditions can provide grounding and meaning.
7. Offer Practical Support
Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer specific help:
• Bring meals
• Run errands
• Help with childcare
• Assist with funeral logistics
• Provide transportation
Grief is emotionally and physically exhausting. Reducing practical burdens can be deeply supportive.
8. Be Patient
Mood swings, irritability, and changes in behavior are common.
Try not to take emotional reactions personally. Grief intensifies emotional experiences.
Healing is rarely linear.
9. Be Present and Consistent
Support should not end after the first few weeks.
Check in months later. Remember birthdays, anniversaries, and significant dates.
Even sitting quietly together can communicate care.
10. Respect Their Boundaries
Some individuals need space or solitude.
Do not push them to talk before they are ready. Meet them where they are in their grieving process.
Your role is not to move them forward, it is to walk beside them.
11. Normalize Seeking Professional Support
Sometimes grief becomes overwhelming, prolonged, or complicated.
Encouraging specialized grief therapy can be an important step, especially if the person is experiencing prolonged grief, traumatic grief, or difficulty functioning.
Not all therapists are specifically trained in grief counseling. Working with a provider who has focused expertise in grief, including complicated grief and prolonged grief disorder, can make a meaningful difference.
You can learn more about the different types of grief here.
If someone you care about may benefit from professional support, grief counseling in Sudbury, MA and throughout Massachusetts via telehealth is available.
Seeking support is not weakness. It is care.
12. Allow Space for Humor and Joy
Grief and joy can coexist.
Moments of laughter do not dishonor the person who died. Reassure them that happiness or relief is not betrayal.
13. Create Meaningful Rituals
Encourage ways to honor the loved one:
• Light a candle
• Create a memory book
• Plant a tree
• Visit a meaningful location
Rituals help integrate loss into ongoing life.
14. Remember: You Are Not Meant to Remove the Pain
When offering support, your goal is not to ease or eliminate grief.
Do not search for silver linings.
Do not push someone to “feel better.”
Allow the pain to exist.
Your presence, steady, compassionate, patient, is often enough.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best way to support someone who is grieving?
Offer presence, validation, and practical support. Avoid minimizing statements. Respect their timeline.
Should I mention the person who died?
Yes, if appropriate. Saying their name can communicate comfort and acknowledgment.
When should someone seek grief counseling?
If grief feels overwhelming, prolonged, or interferes with daily life, specialized grief therapy may help.
What is complicated grief?
Complicated grief, also known as prolonged grief disorder, occurs when intense longing and distress persist and significantly impair functioning. Specialized therapy is often recommended.
Looking for Grief Therapy in Massachusetts?
At Sudbury Psychology Services, Dr. Lisa A. Taylor provides individualized, research-informed grief counseling for adults navigating loss, caregiver stress, serious illness, and life transitions.
With specialized training in grief and experience in hospital and palliative care settings, she understands the emotional complexity surrounding death, medical illness, and anticipatory grief.
If someone you care about, or you yourself, may benefit from support, you are invited to schedule a brief 15-minute consultation to explore whether grief therapy feels like the right fit.
Serving adults in Sudbury, Wayland, Weston, Concord, Acton, Marlborough, and throughout Massachusetts via telehealth.

Dr. Lisa Taylor
Clinical Psychologist & Health Psychology Specialist
I'm Dr. Lisa Taylor, a clinical psychologist with over a decade of experience. I help people navigate anxiety, grief, life transitions, and health challenges with expertise, warmth, and compassion. My approach is evidence-based and tailored to you. Together, we’ll find relief, build resilience, and create a path toward a more fulfilling life.
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